I have so much going through my mind right now. I don't even know where to start. I have like 3 diffrent blogs going through my head...lol. Tuesday I'm going to my uncle's funeral. I don't want to go, but I think I need to go. I spent alot of my childhood at his house. I have a zillion cousins, but I feel closest to my uncles boys. I have alot of happy memories of staying at their home(memories will be a whole new blog soon). Funerals and I don't mix, though. Ask anybody. The rule is...leave a space for Lori by the door in case she needs to bolt. And I haven't been in large family gathering in a very long time. Every since the stupid panic attacks started. This past summer, I went to a family barbq because my brother and his family were visiting from Wisconsin. There were ALOT of people there and the minute we pulled into the drive...Panic city kicked in. I sat at the the picnic table furthest from everyone else and sat taking my pulse and wondering if my face had turned pale due to incoming heart attack. We left about an hour later. Now at Christmas, it was different. I knew just a handful of people would be there. I had no problems there. But this funeral....it's gonna be large. Too many people. Too much saddness. I'm going to go....I need to, I have to. I just need all the help I can get to go. I feel so stupid, thinking about myself when my uncle has passed away. He left a wife and 3 boys. Grandchildren too. But hopefully he is with CarolAnne, his daughter who died very young and his son who was stillborn.
Gonna go for the night. Hopefully sleep will come. It's been one of those nonsleeping weekends here. I miss you Uncle Doug. Every time the Tigers play, I will think of you. I love you. Rest in Peace. I'm glad you aren't in pain any longer.